I wanna be free
withgrace:FFFFOUND! | iLOVE - maeeileenii
Ethos. Pathos. Logos.
It was always one of my favorite songs from one of my all time favorite bands. I never realized how emotionally raw the lyrics were until I finally could relate to the situation Gwen was in when she wrote that song. With what’s going on in my life right now, I can fully understand where she was coming from. I never had a problem listening to this song, but now I can’t even listen through the entire song without tearing up.
Kudos to Gwen for writing amazing music about the highs and lows in life. Especially with heartbreak. Her songs are brutal when it comes to that topic. Thank you for giving me music to cope with life’s curveballs. You are an inspiration and it made my year seeing you live this past summer.
I don’t like posting full lyrics to songs, but I felt like I needed to give this one some justice, especially how it’s my life’s theme song as of late. She really hit the hammer on the head with this one:
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Rock bottom
It’s safe to say that last night will be the very last time I cry like that for a long long time.
I realized some things, remember the rest, and put it to good use in order for me to move on with my life.
It may sound unreal but I had an epiphany. The first one in a while. I actually missed finding that light at the end of the tunnel, when I thought I had no hope left in me, I kept on pushing until that light was showing. Now, I finally got out of the tunnel, following that very same light that has been guiding me ever since I knew of it’s existence.
I have changed. For the better. Not for the worse. I am aware of my mistakes. I’ve embraced them. I learned new lessons. I will take them with me in my next phase in life. I have new hopes, goals, dreams, ambitions, expectations.
I realized that the company of friends and family really meant so much more to me than it ever did in my life. I am sorry for neglecting all you for the past year and a half.
I will not say or let myself believe that the year and a half I spent my life with you was not a mistake. Not a regret. Not a fading memory that I long to erase and replace.
I do not hate you. Nor do I wish any ill-will towards you. You made me see life in a different light. We shared good moments. Very good moments. Then there were the bad moments. There were definitely ugly ones. Yes. But I take it all in stride, and I have grown to appreciate my time with you as a blessing, not a curse.
Who knows what the future brings. You say that anything’s possible. We will always be connected as friends at the very least. You do not want to give me hope of a reconciliation, but you mentioned it was not out of the question if we have finally adapted to our new setting in life. Hundreds of miles apart. Having our own path to follow. I know it’s tough for both of us. Especially you. Do I want to renew that bond we had over the past 2 years? As of now, the question is out of the answer for me. For us both. We live two separate lives. As two separate people.
I only wish the best for you, and I hope you are living the life you wanted to live. I know that our past conversations, that feeling has not reciprocated back to me, and I guess I deserved that. But in a way, it was joint effort in pushing each other more distant from one another. I can understand because, at this very moment, we have so much going on in our lives, we can’t bear to suffer anymore. Under all the pressure, the questions, the accusations, the little white lies, we needed time apart.
Don’t get me wrong. I still feel something for you. That will probably not go away for quite some time. I don’t even want the feeling to go away. I can only say what I’ve been saying since day 1: “Time. Time heals everything. Time will tell what the future has in store for you.”
It may take a long time and it may hurt like hell, but I know somehow someday I will find out where I belong in life. I hope you recognize this, and find your own path in life. I still think of you, constantly. My other hope is that sometimes you do too…. Just a tiny bit :)
